becoming flesh
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: [In progress - Chapter 2] Chihiro is eighteen years old, but she still hasn't forgotten Haku. He said never to look back...but why has he suddenly appeared on her doorstep?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Spirited Away. She just appreciates it enough to make a fic for it. Please don't sue me, I'm poor.  
  
becoming flesh.  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
prologue - don't look back  
  
"Don't look back," Haku had said to me as he finally let go of my hand. I remember when the warmth of his hand dissipated like a dream had passed through my entire body.   
  
It might as well have been that way, but I didn't believe that it would leave something a little barren inside. A longing and missing that I thought would have been closed over time. Unfortunately, it had not gone away.  
  
I looked for the entrance and found it. I just stood in front of it for quite a while. When I was thirteen, when I was fifteen, and now, when I was eighteen. It was a place of comfort to me, hidden away from the rest of the world.  
  
The world of the gods that worked so hard to be cleansed, but became dirty by those people that were supposed to worship them. I always found it ironic that I went to various shrines and had this single thought in my head.  
  
But through it all, I felt someone calling me. I touched the stone wall, but I dared not to go inside. I had always wished that Haku would come out of that path and stand before me.  
  
Except, would he be as lost in the world as I was when I first came into his realm of the world? I wondered about that for a long time, but I had no sufficient answer.  
  
And why would he have a reason to come here in the first place? And would he have remembered me as well as I had remembered him? Girls and boys were very different in that department, you know.  
  
I would never forget the night he came in his dragon form so majestically. He flew and landed in front of me. I hugged him so much and snuggled my cheek next to his.  
  
I didn't know that was love, but I knew that I was so happy to see him.   
  
Alive and well.  
  
As I took my hand away, I wondered what he was doing. There wasn't a day that passed that I didn't think about him. He taught me a lot in such a short period of time. Things that I would probably have never learned if I hadn't gone there.  
  
If he hadn't saved me.  
  
Bowing to no one in front of me, I smiled as I stood in front of the dark path leading to the other side of the abandoned amusement park. "Please be well," I whispered while turning around to walk away.  
  
When I got home, I ate dinner and started on my homework. Pulling my hair again to redo my long ponytail, I stared at the math problems before me as if they were a different language. Somehow, I couldn't help feeling that all these formalities were kind of dumb. Well, after meeting the gods and knowing that all that mattered in life was that you be your best and be grateful for what you have, well, learning calculus didn't seem too important.  
  
But, I would try my best, regardless.  
  
My parents were sleeping in the next room and I knew they would have been mad at me for staying up so late. But what I couldn't explain was that I liked the nighttime. It was quiet and peaceful.  
  
Also, it reminded me of my breaks when I was working in the bathhouse. I would sometimes lean out the railing while looking up at the stars as everyone bustled around me.   
  
Strange how you can be so at peace when there's so much going on.  
  
Knock, knock, knock.  
  
I jumped out of my seat, but I listened for it again. I went out into the hall and opened my parents' door. They were dead asleep and I sighed.   
  
I couldn't understand why they were sometimes irresponsible like that. I felt like I was more of their parent than they were mine.   
  
Slowly, I went towards the rapping of the door.   
  
When I got there, I whispered, "Who is it?"  
  
"It is me, Chihiro."  
  
My heart stopped. I closed my eyes and pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I opened them again and stupidly sputtered out, "Excuse me?"  
  
"Have you forgotten me?" he whispered calmly through the door.  
  
"Of course not..." I found myself saying before I could stop myself as I put my hands flatly on the door.  
  
Slowly, I opened the door to find a ragged Haku in front of me. His clothes were somewhat torn, but he still stood like a dignified prince before me.  
  
He was the same, though...  
  
Exactly the same as when I left him...  
  
"Haku, what hap-" I started to say, but he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.  
  
Breathlessly, he whispered to me as he held me tighter,   
  
"I've looked...  
  
I've looked all over for you, Chihiro."  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I'm a freak for starting a new multi-chap, but this could be an interesting venture. 'sides, I need a hetero couple to do. Need balance and since I like this pairing a lot. Why not, right? 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: spirited away and 'breathe your name' aren't mine. I just like the pairing so I'm writing about it.  
  
"Is it all inside my head   
  
Is it all inside my head   
  
I view the my lips   
  
And take my pick   
  
I view my faith   
  
And make a choice   
  
'Cause it's nobody else's but mine."  
  
Becoming flesh  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
chapter 1 - I will find a way.  
  
I had never lost the warm feeling I got whenever he touched me.  
  
It was years ago when he took my hand or sheltered me from harm, but I always remembered what it felt like. I felt well cared for and it truly warmed me to my very core.  
  
"Why are you looking for me?" I asked as I blinked my eyes in confusion while his arms were still wrapped around my shoulders.   
  
I thought everything to do with him had ended the day he let go of my hand, but now here he was before me as real as he was touching me. And I didn't know what to do about it because his calm face was betrayed by his tight grip on my shoulders while he pulled away from me.   
  
He held me as if he still couldn't believe that I was standing before him.  
  
What...  
  
What happened to you, Haku?  
  
"This time, I must ask you to hide me, Chihiro," he said to me as he smiled. "And immediately, you must cut my hair...please..."  
  
"I don't understand, Haku." I said as I looked into his green eyes.  
  
But at that moment, he fell forward and fainted into my arms...  
  
Alarmed, I looked at my parents, who were still asleep. "Why are you guys always like that whenever I'm in a pinch?" I mumbled to myself as I held Haku's arms up. Dragging him into my room, I closed the door slowly after putting him on my futon.  
  
His eyes were closed peacefully as I tucked him in. Then, I looked inside my desk drawers to find a pair of scissors.  
  
Holding the scissors, I knelt the scissors in one hand while I took the end of his long hair into the other.  
  
"You said I should cut your hair..." I trailed off as I took a big breath and snipped away at it.  
  
I didn't know why, but as I cut his smooth hair, I was reminded of something. It was said that during ancient times, when a samurai cut his hair, he was no longer under the command of his master. He pretty much excommunicated himself or he was banished by force. (And that same tradition had been somehow passed to girls over the years until it became some kind of saying that a woman's life was her hair.)  
  
Snip, snip...  
  
Something within me felt like I was cutting something deeply embedded within myself...  
  
Knock, knock!  
  
Getting up, I went to the front door, but I made sure that my bedroom door was closed carefully.  
  
"Yes?" I answered as my heart beat faster and faster in nervousness.  
  
"Give him back," a voice threatened.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered as I sighed at the door as my parents continued to let weirdness prevail under our rooftop as they were sleeping soundly in their room.  
  
In a mocking tone, the person replied, "It is better that you spare him from his misery."  
  
Was he threatening me?!  
  
"Please leave my home and never come back!" I scolded in impatience.  
  
The voice, whether female or male, snickered at me. Playing devil's advocate, they laughed at me as they said, "We'll see how long you last out with _her_, Haku-sama. Human, indeed!"  
  
With that, there was a tapping of shoes heading away from my home.  
  
"Human indeed?" I mumbled to myself as I looked at the door.   
  
This person didn't sound like he was mocking me, though...  
  
I stood there for a moment before going back to my room.   
  
When I closed the door behind me, I knelt before Haku with his hair chopped off. There were strands of hair around him but I couldn't sweep them away. The hair I had cut was in one corner of the room.   
  
And right before me, a scratch began to form a line on Haku's left cheek. A bead of blood began to flow.  
  
I gasped in disbelief.  
  
I took some of the covers away to find Haku bleeding before me...  
  
When I finished bandaging him up, I put him back on the blood-stained futon. But at that moment, he opened his eyes tiredly at me. He shook his head weakly and pulled on my shirt. "Stay here with me, Chihiro," he whispered to me as his eyes squinted in pain.  
  
What could I do?  
  
I hugged him as his sleepy face became peaceful again. The grip on my shirt was finally loose, but I didn't let go.  
  
I pushed his bangs to the sides as I looked at his handsome face, despite all the scratches.  
  
"Why are you here? Why are you like this?" I whispered into his ear tenderly.  
  
But he couldn't hear me at all. He mumbled while dreaming, "I found you. I finally found you..."  
  
A tear slipped from the side of his face. "Let me stay with you..."  
  
I brushed the tear track away and looked at him in confusion, but I couldn't stand him in pain either. I held him tighter in my arms.  
  
As I was about to tell him 'yes', he continued, "...as little time as it is."  
  
"What do you mean, Haku?" I mumbled as I stared at him unable to say anything else.   
  
The first time I thought you were dying, I went on a small adventure to get the 'cure' that would make you feel better. I was so worried, but I wouldn't stop for anything as long as you needed me...  
  
Is there something I can do? Will I have to do it again?  
  
Looking into his face, I closed my eyes and finally kissed him on the forehead.  
  
"No matter what...  
  
I will find a way."  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
author's note: I really, really love this anime. And while I was writing, I had to get a picture of it on the web. Someday, I wish to buy a poster of it because I love big posters.   
  
I hope that I can pull this fic off. There are many things that will challenge along the way and one of the main questions is if my unworthy fanfic conveys the feeling of the movie. I always aim for the atmosphere because that's when it all comes alive for me.  
  
(Gosh, I don't like this auto-formatting thing on ff.net…) 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Spirited Away isn't mine! I just love Haku and Chihiro!   
  
becoming flesh  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 2 - touching my dream  
  
I continued to watch him while pushing his bangs away from his face. Leaning closer, I studied his face and wondered what the heck was I supposed to do at the moment.  
  
How was I going to explain to my parents that there was a boy in my room? And more than that, how was I supposed to explain that he came from another world? The one they got me stuck in when they ate the food set aside for the gods?  
  
It wasn't going to happen.  
  
So what was I going to do?  
  
"I know!" I whispered a little bit too loudly.  
  
Before I got up, I closed my eyes again to kiss Haku on the forehead again. I still couldn't believe he was here.  
  
Yes, this was Haku.  
  
The same person with the smell of the ocean and wind around him...  
  
I got up and tiptoed around the house to a room that was used for storage. Turning on the light switch, I searched around for the boxes with my dad's old clothes. He always told me, "Maybe I'll be able to wear them again sometime."  
  
I found them and opened them. Thank goodness he kept them!  
  
I took out a duffel bag and stuffed a few shirts and pants in them for Haku. "Maybe they're a little big, but this will have to do," I said to myself.  
  
I laughed also at the thought of what Haku would look like with these clothes.  
  
But I frowned in the next moment. The words the spirit said and Haku's life...  
  
Years ago, I came to his world and felt so out of place, but he never made me feel that I was a foreigner. With him, I always felt at home.  
  
Yes...he was going to survive here just fine...  
  
But I was more worried if the time and place would conflict more with Haku rather than the other way around.  
  
I shook my head and got up. "I believe in you," I whispered to myself with a smile.  
  
Then, I went back into my room. I shook him a little, feeling guilty that he couldn't stay here and sleep off his tiredness. I whispered into his ear, "Haku, we have to go before my parents get up."  
  
Haku's eyes slowly opened and he smiled up at me.   
  
"I'm sorry that I can't just let you sleep here-"  
  
He got up while pushing his index finger on my lips with a shake of his head. "Don't worry about it."  
  
I helped him change his clothes and we folded the futon and placed it in the closet. I would wash it later.  
  
I took a medium-sized bag and my wallet with me. With a nod of my head, I took his hand. My heart felt so light, I almost wanted to laugh.   
  
We were running away all over again, only it was in a suburb in Japan.  
  
Before we left, I went to the kitchen and pushed a can of coke into my bag. Then, I took the anpan packaged on our table. "Breakfast," I told him while putting it into my bag too.  
  
After writing an excuse letter to my parents, we quietly left. I wrote that one of my best friend's called in the middle of the night and said the person really needed me.   
  
Walking further and further away, I was relieved that we were getting away from my parents, but I was a little worried if my neighbors saw me slink away with a boy. And, I was holding his hand so familiarly that it wouldn't have been such a good piece of news once my parents found that out.  
  
It wasn't that they'd kill me. Knowing them, they would probably want to get to know him better.  
  
I winced. My parents weren't ever normal...  
  
"Where are we going?" Haku asked as he kept on looking around him like a little boy.   
  
"To my apartment," I answered while searching and praying for a taxi to come our way. It would be expensive, but the trains wouldn't start for hours. "I wish there was a phone nearby."  
  
I took the anpan from my bag, tore it with my teeth, and handed it to Haku after taking one bite for myself.   
  
"I wonder if your rules apply to my world," I laughed while pushing the bread to his lips.  
  
Conveniently, we passed by a trashcan and I threw the plastic away. And miraculously, as we got a little bit further, there was a taxi.   
  
After two cities and a wad of cash, we arrived at my apartment. Immediately, I pulled out a blanket for him to sleep on.  
  
"Why do you live here?" he asked as he tiredly lay down.   
  
"I go to college," I said as I knelt before him and tried to help him lie down. "You came while I was visiting my parents."  
  
Shyly, I smiled as I honestly said, "I came because I wanted to see the amusement park entrance. I just felt like it."  
  
"You heard me calling for you, Chihiro?" he asked as his eyes looked up at mine.  
  
Quite direct as ever, wasn't he?  
  
I nodded slowly. "I had a dream that I went back to see you, but everywhere I looked, you weren't there. But I _knew_ you were there because you kept on calling me."  
  
He blinked his eyes in agreement as he put his hand over mine.   
  
"How did you find me?" I looked at him wondering what he had to go through if he had all these cuts on his body.  
  
"Your scent," he said as he pulled out the hair tie I had given him before Yubaba tested me.  
  
Sleepily closing his eyes, he finally gave out.  
  
He slept for three days straight and my parents were totally disappointed that I didn't stay longer with them. Well, long enough to have lunch and dinner.  
  
My friends wanted to come over, but I tried my best to avoid that from happening. I used the excuse that I needed to work. It wasn't a lie, right?  
  
On the third day, when I came back from work, I found Haku wearing a shirt and jeans. He was standing in front of me as soon as I opened the door. "Haku? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"  
  
I closed the door and took off my shoes while carrying the bag of groceries I had.   
  
He took the groceries and he put them on the table. "I've been awake for a couple of hours."  
  
I stopped putting things into the cupboards and he put the can of soup down back onto the table. "I hope you weren't bored."  
  
Haku shook his head as his usual serious face became bright. "I wasn't! I opened your window and stared out to look at the city. Then, I watched something on what I think is called the tv. TV, correct?"  
  
He pointed at the small tv set in front of my futon.   
  
I nodded my head as I put my hand on my mouth. Things I always took for granted were always amazing me.  
  
I started putting things into my cupboards again.  
  
"I started to read from your bookshelf. And you came home as soon as I was half way through one book," he said while looking at me with a bewildered look. Looking down at the floor, he sighed while telling me, "I'm sorry."  
  
Looking at him, I asked, "Why are you saying sorry to me?"  
  
He still wouldn't look at me. "I know you have your own life here and it's very selfish of me to just suddenly show up thinking I could be a part of it."  
  
I reached out my hand to him. "Haku-:"  
  
He interrupted, "I came here not knowing if you'd accept me."  
  
Then, he looked up and stared straight into my eyes while touching my hand, which I had placed on his shoulder. "But I had to try, Chihiro."  
  
It was then that I saw only a small piece of the struggles that he had done in order to get here. All these silent obstacles that he couldn't tell me of and I felt that he was holding back with all his might.  
  
"Of course I'd accept you," I told him without a second thought. "You never had to think about that, Haku."  
  
I smiled as we touched forehead to forehead with our eyes closed.  
  
Then, a wave of fear washed over me as I held onto his hands. I pulled away from him and we looked at one another. "But what did Yubaba have to say about this?"  
  
I knew she wouldn't have let him go so easily.  
  
"Unexpectedly, she laughed at me." He sighed as he continued, "She told me, 'You want to live _there_? As a _human_? Have you lost your mind?!'"  
  
I felt a little insulted. Two lines appeared between my eyebrows, as they always did when I pouted. "What did she mean by that?"  
  
"Love is foolish when it's useless," he said to me and then he looked away again.   
  
"It's never useless," I countered as I wrapped my arms around him.   
  
"In the world she created, everything has to have a purpose. That means everyone and everything has to work for something else," Haku explained to me while still looking at the ground.   
  
"Does purpose really mean you have to work?" I asked. Even though he explained this to me years ago, I still couldn't believe something's meaning to life was just to work.   
  
"I...I'm not sure..." Haku said with a pained face, fighting against the mentality he had been taught.  
  
I didn't like seeing him this way.  
  
I believed in your guidance while I stayed in your world...  
  
I worked hard for my parents...  
  
I learned the strength within me...  
  
Tighter, I hugged him. "It isn't ever useless. That's where dreams come from."  
  
I glanced at me with a surprised face, at the depth of my answer.  
  
"I wonder what Yubaba's dream was when she made that bathhouse," I asked Haku while he glanced at me with hopeful eyes.  
  
"I don't know about her..." He closed his eyes again and put his hands to my face. "...but I'm touching mine."  
  
tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I am sorry for the long hiatus. I have a good reason for it: I didn't have Spirited Away under my possession for the longest time. I have watched it again twice to get the feel of the movie as well as get the little details that are important in executing this fic. I want it to be well thought out, but even more, I want it to capture why I love the Haku and Chihiro relationship so much. It never fails to amaze me how in love I am for them in being in love with one another.  
  
Yes, it may seem sappy and all that, but for this title, I think it's appropriate. It seems very in-character for me. 


End file.
